Written in Pencil

When I was in high school I took a creative writing class. Although we did have regular assignments, the class functioned mainly as a workshop, writing whatever we wanted and having our peers give us feedback. It was in this class that I had a class mate ask me why I was writing in pencil when I had the option to type or use a pen. I didn’t know what to tell her, I had never though about it. Without thinking every time, I choose the pencil. I think she said something like “there’s just something about a good pen” and she liked the fact that pens were more permanent.

And now here I am, a 30-year-old, thinking about a question that someone asked me once in high school. I’ve actually thought about this question a few times throughout the last 15 years. I think because

1. Part of me assumed that it was some deep subconscious manifestation of my low self-esteem and unsureness.
2. I didn’t actually know the answer. At 15, at 20, at 25, I didn’t know why but that was still my choice. A pencil.

Today my mind met this question again. But today the answer come to me immediately, without reflection or any real thought.  With a pencil you can change your mind. With a pencil you don’t have to abide by margins. With a pencil you make up your own rules.

I’ve never been one to do things the easy way. I can’t believe without question. I want to be able to change my mind. The pencil may not have always been as bright or as permanent but the pencil has always let me do things my way.  

( original written in pencil 😊 )